Like ice frosted all over my bones.
All my joints ache, my heart aches and I don't know what to do for it.
No phone call will cure this. Stupid love sickness.
Under the weight of my own body and having to deal with a phantom broken ribcage.
I hate these feelings, I hate having to get used to them, I hate not having any friends here, I hate not having any friends anymore. What the fuck has happened to me? When did I turn into this person? This kind asshole, this gentle maniac. I hate him so much. I'm nothing but fear and anxiety and I hate everything that's made me. This is the stuff that I cannot change. I'm stuck with this like a prison sentence. I'm not too weak, I'm not unfortunate, I'm just fucked.
Alone and fucked.
The real world's coming back and I'm only half ready for it.
We do what we can cause we don't know better.
And I hate that. I want to learn better before and do it right the first time.
At some point, we're all going back to being stardust again. And on nights like this, I can hardly wait.
ps I feel that at some point in the distant future, I'm gonna look back on these days and think..
Ah, yes. That was before the drugs.
pps Sometimes I like to pretend that no one is listening to me. And other times I like to pretend that people are actually listening to me.