Nate Bunnyfield (natebunnyfield) wrote,
Nate Bunnyfield
natebunnyfield

I don't know how I can really explain what I've been doing for the last few hours.

Sometimes I think LJ is how I present that I live my life.
Other times it's all about how I want to live my life.

I've really been focusing on actually being myself, for better & worse, during this break.


So anyway, the girl I came up to Toronto to visit, her friend gets in a car accident.
Now I don't know her friend at all. And I don't even know her beyond LJ and some IM chats, but I obviously think she's cool if I'm gonna drive several says just to hangout for a few hours.

So I was pretty concerned about her friend and how she was dealing with it, but after I heard her say he was in a coma, I just couldn't get to sleep.

And I needed to sleep.
I had just drove up with Harrison from Bethesda, MD to Niagara, ON and I needed to rest.

But I couldn't get to sleep.
So then I start thinking if there was anything I could do about this.

Here she's got all this shit to worry about.
And there really isn't anything I can do to help.

But obviously she's not just this really cool LJ friend.
I care about her more than that.
And she's suffering.

So I think about going to see her at the hospital. But I think that's just about the most selfish and presumptuous thing I could do.

And I try to sleep. Telling myself I'll do something if I wake up.


A few minutes later, completely driven that I'm doing what my heart is telling me to do, I get up and shower, hostel-style.
And I go online and pick up the only clues I have to where she would be.


Now, I'm going to shorten the rest of story and say this:

If you're going to find someone who's been admitted to a hospital, have their last name and call around with that before you go out.


I learned this lesson by taking more than a few semi-silent cab rides to a couple of hospitals.
And talking to an emergency room nurse.

And it became pretty clear how unrealistic it was to find them.


So I call her. With no clear reason. Not thinking she'll be there.
And she picks up.

I tell her I couldn't sleep, so I tried to find her, but I didn't know if it was the right thing to do.
At least I try to tell her all that in my crazy sleepless state.


She says he's fine, not a coma, but couldn't have any visitors.
She says she's going to bed now and will call me in the morning.


I tell her again that she's got bigger things to worry about.
And she says she'll call me tomorrow before we leave.
And I tell her that she doesn't need to.

And we do that a few more times.

Then she says she'll call me at nine.


I really just want her to take care of things much more than I want to see her, you know?


I am almost petrified that my behavior here is unhealthy and obsessive and a whole mess of bad stuff. And I just haven't learned when to stop caring.

I don't know, it made more sense when he was in a coma.
Subscribe
  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 3 comments