I spent the whole soaking up every detail of the greatest tragedy in my lifetime.
I haven't cried yet, but I haven't been far away from tears.
I woke up terrified that a revolution had started.
And wondering what was going to be attacked next.
I looked at the window and imagined seeing a 757 flying into the dorms I live in.
No one here in Santa Cruz seems really affected by it all. They just keep going on with their lives. But many thousands of innocent people died today.
I just wanted to scream that at everyone around me who laughed or whined or made racist jokes or wouldn't stop their inane chitchat.
But I didn't.
And an apparently drunk stranger on the street told us that "a price will be paid tonight" and "foreign throats will be slit".
Anti-arab sentiments could not be any higher.
And I pray that no Arab-Americans get killed in these next few weeks. But I know that worst has happened.
Bush sounds blood thirsty enough to nuke all of Afghanistan.
And your damn Star Wars was a joke. You can't stop a someone with a cause and nothing to lose.
Now all this unconfirmed right now...
They have suspects already. We know they were 3-5 on each plane, totaling around a dozen. Some are suspected bin Laden supporters. Using knives to stab the crew and telling everyone on board they had a bomb.
A car was even found at Boston's Logan airport with a flight manual in Arabic.
They flew with near full tanks into the buildings that house some of America and the World's most important people. To high for fire fighters to put out the fire before it's structure melted, pancaked and became a horrific stack of rubble.
And now I feel like one of those asshole experts who seem to respect the terrorists. I truly hate this.
But some good news of the day:
1. A day care center in one of the Towers was evacuated in time.
2. The wall of the Pentagon that was hit was less occupied than usual because it was under renovations.
3. The United Flight 93 was heading for Camp David, Maryland (note: 23 anniversary of the accords (fnord)) but was possibly intercepted by an America fighter jet over Pennsylvania. We might never know what really happened.
4. Genuine nationalism for my feneration.
And I feel stronger today. Like a goddamn bit character in an unwritten, but still best selling Tom Clancy novel.
I am so much different today than yesterday.
And I want a retraction, not from the Brokaws and the Jennings, but from God Himself.
Please take it all back. We've learned a lot.